I hadn't done her handprint for my wall yet. I was saving it for next week. I would've slowed down this past week and truly drank deep of each thing we'd done together. It was a good week, don't get me wrong. We rang in the New Year with friends. We played, read books, snuggled, ate snacks, took silly pictures, sang songs, visited Nana and just spent time together. I'm thankful for each second. That morning she knew we were heading out to drop her off. She may only be nearing 18 months, but she's so smart. She knows when our schedule is different and that I'm getting her going earlier than normal to leave the house that it's a drop off day. She wants me to just hold her. She gets grouchy. She didn't want her bath, which isn't normal at all for her. Her baths are usually at night unless I'm dropping her off. I always like her to go all cleaned up and adorable. She fussed on the way. She just knows. When we drove up and I got her out of her seat she hugs my neck so tight at the van. She's done this the last three times I dropped her off. I say, "I love you, sissy." and kiss her on the cheeks. She said, "Wuv you." and puckers her lips up to kiss mine. I won't forget that. When we get inside with others waiting she won't usually reciprocate the kisses. She had a blank stare for a bit on her face as she sat on my hip. I wish I knew what all she was thinking. I'm guessing she's torn in her little heart. Others in the room love her too. She knows she's leaving us and for how long, she has no idea. It's been different almost every visit. I'm SURE she didn't know it was forever this time and neither did I. I'd have held her longer, kissed her more and looked into the prettiest set of eyes I'd ever seen as long as I could. I'd have memorized them better.
I was telling my mom that signing up to be a foster parent is literally signing up for heartbreak. It's inevitable. It's a ministry like none other. I have people write and thank me for being honest and open in telling our journey. I get a message attached that mostly reads, "I could never be a foster mom because I couldn't give them up like you are." "You are so strong, I could never do what you're doing!" Well, the real news is that I am not strong at all. I sit in tears, often. I see a toy or something Sissy loved and I'm in a puddle. I see her snacks in the refrigerator and I'm torn up. I thought she'd be here to eat them next week. I am literally nothing special, strong or courageous for doing what we do, but God is. We took her knowing very well our hearts would be shattered when she left. We also know God is the ultimate Healer of those shattered hearts. I have Hope.
Job 5:18
“For he wounds, but he binds up; he shatters, but his hands heal.”
Psalm 147:3
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
I am taking it one day at a time. This is definitely a grieving process. Our prayer is that we can somehow stay involved in her life. We've tried to build a relationship with the family for that reason. We try to build relationships with the family each time. This is a ministry to us. A way to share Christ. We love the best we can. We become parents to these babies when they need us to stand in the gap for them. We get to be their mama and daddy for a season. I see it this way, Sissy now has someone praying for her every day the rest of our lives. We'd not have known her if we weren't foster parents. We will pray for her family as God lays it on our hearts as well. I have to believe that our love and pain are not in vain. God placed us in all of their lives for a purpose. May He be glorified. The book, Hope When it Hurts has been a beautiful encouragement in my life. It's a book on Biblical reflections to help you grasp God's purpose in your suffering. Chapter after chapter have been a balm to my heart this past week.Page 119
"Every humble act of service is precious in God's sight. God gives us material for sacrifice. Sometimes the sacrifice makes little sense to others, but when offered to Him it is always accepted. The transformation into something He can use for the good of others takes place only when the offering is put into His hands."
"The person who holds fast to Christ in suffering has a magnetic faith. The church needs to know how to be content and joyful in hardship, and a believer who remains steadfast in trails is a living, breathing example of what that looks like. Faithful suffering spurs others on to praise God and bear the cost of living for him."
One day at a time. One hour at a time. I have a Hope that the Lord is sovereign over my life and over Sissy's life. If I didn't have that, I'm not sure how I'd be a foster mom. I need that Hope foster mom or not!*This post contains an affiliate link. It costs you nothing extra if you buy the book or click on the link.Psalm 73:26
"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
10 Responses to “When They Leave… (Foster Care)”
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About Jennifer
Hello there! I’m Jennifer and Welcome to my website – A Home with Purpose. My passion is sharing Christ’s Love and recipes with my Trim Healthy Mama friends. Learn more about me.
I’m so sorry for this loss. I struggle with how cavalier the system is in just moving children with no prep or transition. This baby bonded with you and just never comes home. Her poor little heart. May God console you, your family, and her.
As a fellow foster mom I feel and understand your pain. You never forget them or stop praying for them even when you no longer have them in your lives. God puts these children with you on purpose and for His reasons and He will continue with them, and us, even when we are removed from their lives. His perfect plan will be seen through to the end and He will create good in it all. Such small, and yet immense, comfort all wrapped into one. Romans 8.28.
God bless you for loving them and being willing to have your heart broken for His babies.
My 28 year old daughter and her 25 year old husband are fostering to adopt a special needs 12 year old boy. I remember talking to her after I saw the movie about Foster Care and how through my tears, all I could think was, I am so glad there is no family wanting him. Her words were something—she said that it was bittersweet, because he had no family fighting for him which meant their path to adoption was totally clear. I cannot totally understand what you are going through, but I know you changed your little one’s present ( in the time you had her) and you made a mark on her future! God bless you and your family!
I am not a foster Mom but a Mom all the same. I CANNOT imagine your heartache right now over your Precious loss. I pray for comfort and healing for your heart and your family and I also Pray her other family will allow her to remain a very active part of your loving family….FOREVER and EVER! And I Pray her other mother gets her life together and provides a wonderfully loving home for this baby as well 🙏 All this I pray in Jesus name, Amen!
I am a foster mom and trying to love every moment, memorize the sweetness and hold tightly to the hugs that we are receiving. Although we have cared for our little one for a year, we still have no idea her outcome. But I have clung to the truth that God does. He placed her with us and our prayer before she came to now has been that He will put her where she will encounter Jesus. I pray often that God will allow her to live a life that gives her the full choice of God. In that I choose to rest. I am terrified of the loss but am confident that He will answer the prayer. May God be with you.
Just trying to breath while reading this. Jennifer , I think what might be the hardest part in this particular journey is she had no voice to ask questions or request her specific needs nor could you explain in words she could understand. My fervent prayer is that you know in your heart that God will even cover that and He will comfort and protect her in this big journey for a very tiny being. Twice I had to walk away from a little girl who could not understand, The first time I could hear her crying for me from an open window all the way to my car and my knees gave out . I am still traumatized by the memory even though I know things turned out okay. Still a wound was created that day that shaped us both. The second time was without warning, no good-byes. Later she stood before me as I was helping her dress and asked, with her head down , in the softest voice, “Why did you leave me? I waited every day for you. You never picked me up from school or brought the snack I loved.” Then cried in my arms for over an hour. My anger towards those who would let a child grieve and not explain was enough to burn a hole in my heart and then I realized that I had been as helpless and as powerless as she had been in the situation. That perhaps that was the point— that I could experience her helplessness in a real way so I could in my maturity truly minister Christ to her in real empathy and from the same comfort with which Jesus comforted me. We shared a very important pain and as such I could lead her to Christ.
Jennifer. Your situation brings it all back in vivid , intrusive color. Bless you. I know this- I know your heart well. Bless your family. You are right to focus on the suffering of Christ, one we are called to enter into- and you are right to firmly plant yourself on his promise to heal. God will bring beauty from these ashes. God has overcome this world. God weeps with us and Christ groans on our behalf. He sends his angels to surround us and tend to us.He will not fail. I pray, that in his loving kindness and unending mercy every healing word that needs to be spoken between you and your dear little one will eventually be spoken. This is not over. We don’t know what’s ahead. Hold on and expect all the beauty God always infuses in everything . Hugs sister- all the love.
Thanks for sharing all that. It’s nice to have others know what we are walking through. Your stories break my heart.
Sending so many Hugs, I’ve no idea what to say except this has to be so hard. You and all those that suffer like this are in my prayers. And the children, oh my heart, they must get so confused and so many difficult emotions to be go through these changes. Thankful for those that are foster parents and give so much of themselves.
Thank you, Kay!