Foster Care- Yes, it is hard!

I fall deeply in love every single time. Every child.  Every time they enter our doors.  Short stay, weeks or months...it really doesn't matter to my heart. When a child comes into the system, the agency is alerted and they immediately set out to find a matching family.  When you sign up for foster care you have a lot of questions to wade through.  We put much thought in the age of the children we'd take. There were questions about health issues, abuse, behavior and on and on.  If most are like us, they take time to really think about each question and we prayed.

On any given day "the call" can come.  You're never fully prepared.  We took a decent size break after losing our first placement.  I was heartbroken.  My kids struggled.  It was tough. This past year we've mainly done respite care and turned down many placements for various reasons that came our way.  One problem is usually how many beds we have.  There's a BIG need for homes that can take multiple children to keep siblings together.

A few weeks ago we got one of those calls.  A call that shook me to my core.  The story had me in tears.  We talked about it as a family and voted.  We had 45 minutes to get ready to have a little girl added to our home.  We prepared as much as possible and thankfully our agency stopped at Walmart and brought some things as well.  She was naked and had no clothing, so a few clothing items was a must as well as formula, bottles, pacifier, diapers.  Diaper rash cream for a raging infection because a diaper has often been left on way past it's time. Nothing prepares you totally for that first meeting.

The car pulled in and Titus and I went out to meet our new friend.  I see the same look in every kid's eyes that I've brought into the house.  I've not had many, but they all have a blank stare.  A scared look. They have no idea who you are or what's going on.  The situations we dealt with were not good and they'd had trauma and neglect. The kids were 2 and under. I cry if I think about their story too long.  When different pieces of the puzzle become clear, I weep.  I hurt for them.  For their parents.  That they'd know Christ.  All of them!

What do we do first?  After signing paperwork...Bathe them!  Check for bugs and other issues going on.  It's not very fun because they don't know you and they are in a strange house.  Usually a lot of crying is involved that first bath and maybe a few after.  Are they hungry?  When were they even fed last?  I usually try to feed them.  Every child we've brought home was very hungry.  Little ones gain some trust when someone is handing them foods they like.  Smile a lot and be kind in your tone.  They want to know you won't hurt them and that you're friendly.

What does everyone say to us?  "I could never do foster care!" Then they go on to tell me 10 reasons why it's too hard.  Can I just say that it's really hard for us too. It's harder than almost anything I've ever done in my life.  It's something God has to lay on your heart. It is full of heartbreak and often times very difficult situations to manage.  It's also full of smiles, love and caring for someone who desperately needs someone in that moment of time. We've lost several kiddos we thought we'd adopt.  4 to exact.  This new little one will be # 5 if she goes one day. We'd have kept each one in a heartbeat, but that wasn't God's plan. His plan was for us to pour into them what we did for the time He allowed us to be together.

How long will be do foster care?  I don't know.  It is hard and it can wear on you and your family. It's something you have to talk through together at home and know when to stop.  Pray for someone else to fill that gap when you do stop. There is a HUGE need. There is a lot that goes into that decision and for each family to pray about together. Kids and all.

What can you do to help?  If you know a foster family...ask them!  Two families provided meals for us this last time we had a placement.  That's a huge blessing when you're trying to get used to a new normal.  New schedule.  All the visits that come with foster care. The first few weeks are a bit overwhelming to say the least!  One family sent us cash and baby clothes to buy needed items.  That's a big blessing as well!  One of my cousins went shopping with me the second or third day we had our little one and bought her some clothes.  You can also help by asking the foster family what they want you to do and not to do with the child.  Depending on the circumstances, they may ask you not to pick them up or try to hold them.  They may want to keep that to just their family.  Be understanding.  You probably don't know the whole story and what all that little one has gone through. Be an encourager.  It's wonderful to be cheered on and encouraged on hard days because there will be very hard days.

You can also help the foster care organizations in your community. See what needs they have. Each year kids graduate out of foster care homes or group homes and they need things to start out!  House hold items, towels, sheets, gas cards, etc.  They don't have family in some situations that are there to help them at all.  Donations are often needed for private foster care agencies to keep them running. Ask.

How can I love someone this much I've only known for a few weeks?  Only God, I'm guessing.  I can't imagine life without her already.  Her smile lights up the rooms of our home.  To see her start to say words, so close to walking and extremely happy..well, it makes the hard worth it. I'll hold her tight as long as the Lord allows.  After that, she'll always have her own place in my heart and an ache that will last a lifetime from her absence.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings.  I have so much to say on this topic, yet can't put all my thoughts together quite like I want too.