“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7; 13
What am I missing here? Are my kids just that different from all the others? Yes and no. I don’t want my boys to be just like everyone else. I want them to have their own personalities, hobbies and interests. As long as what they enjoy is not going against God’s word, I’m game. That being said, what they’ve chosen many times is not something I’m interested in or bent towards. That can sure make things interesting. When my farmer boy comes home excited about his new tool, seed magazine or hunting book, I want him to know I’m interesting and rooting for him. That’s just not always my first or second response. I often greatly lack enthusiasm and the love I need to be lavishing him with. I’m sure it comes across to him like I don’t care about him and what’s important to him. My husband was reminding me yesterday that some of these moments are monumental to Noah and we need to be cheering for him.
When my 9 year old runs in with a new Lego contraption and wants to tell me each part, what it does and how it works I can often half heartedly nod and smile while not really paying him much attention. I’m too “busy” with my work or with what I’m reading to really show him I really care. He’s longing for my attention and approval and for a “Great job, buddy!” I’m sure his head has hung low many times as he’s walked away knowing I wasn’t really paying much attention to his detailed creation.
I’ve got to do better and love more. I mean really love more. Oh, I love my children more than I imagined it possible to love a little human being, but that’s not what I’m talking about. Physically pouring out love on them through my actions, words, expressions and attitude. This is where I’ve failed and have got to do better as a mama.
Romans 7:19-20 “For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.” I’ve got to walk in the Spirit and ask God to help me with this each and every day...probably many times during the day.
Then there is that “I want to be a safe place for my children. I want them to see that my arms are open and I love them no matter what they do. I want them to have confidence that their mama is on their team, whether they spill a glass of milk and break my favorite mug, or whether they scream at their sibling with harsh words, or whether they get out of bed fifty times, or whether they lie to me about something. I’m still on their team. I get them. I am them. We are all a work in progress.”I do get my boys and why they sin. I do. I sin every single day. When my husband has sin struggles, why should I not expect my boys to have them? Maybe part of my frustration is that I am expecting perfection when I should be expecting progress from my boys, my husband and myself. No, I’m not demanding or begging for no mistakes or slip ups, but in my mind, I think my dreams of how things should be are flawed. Spills, sibling rivalry, attitudes and just plain hard days are inevitable. They happen often and we need to be ready to love in the middle of it all. Even when it's hard.
“Many moms have entered the battlefield of motherhood and are totally unprepared, untrained, and ill-equipped for the job. I know I was. And many have not understood that the home is a battlefield where sin and selfishness must be overcome, and that the taming, subduing, and civilization of a home will be to a women’s honor.” (page 43)What am I missing? Grace and love. I need Jesus! I need Him to give me HIS strength to do this wonderful work called motherhood. I need Him to give me the grace to love my family like I should. I need Him to equip me for conquering battles in my home and to give me the abundant grace only He can give. I am a limited human being. I cannot do this on my own, no matter how hard I might try. But, God with us is way more than enough. Give Him your flaws and shortcomings. Like the widow who only had a little oil (2 Kings 4) and Elisha asked her too fill up many pots. She collected the pots and obeyed what he’d asked her to do knowing what she had to give was not enough. God did a miracle that day and the pots were full with an abundance she was given to pay off the debts she owed. I believe that’s what God wants from us. For us to be obedient and to give Him all we have and He’ll do the rest. Step one for me? Repentance and forgiveness. Dealing first with my sweet Savior and asking Him to once again forgive me for my sin. Then, asking my boys to forgive me as well. Don’t skip it, no matter how they respond. No just, “Sorry guys!” but, “Will you forgive me for (fill in the blanks)?” Being obedient and doing what God asks us to do in His word is vital. It also teaches our kids to ask forgiveness when they wrong someone else. I will mess up and stumble. I won’t get this down pat and move on to perfect parenting. No. I know that I’ll take two steps forward and one step back, but I will keep trying, begging God for help and knowing I can trust Him to help me! ASK! Ask Him for help. The key to all of this in my life and yours is that we can’t do it on our own. We are enough with Christ to accomplish any task He asks of us. YOU are enough with CHRIST to do anything He asks of you! Even to love the legos, the newest picture drawn, the animal skins and the newest fishing lure. He can help us love these kids as we should, like He first loved us.
“We live in a fallen world, so things will always tend toward disorder, children will always cry, and you will always sin, but God gives you grace and the Holy Spirit to make it through. When life tends toward disorder, go straight to God and ask Him for His grace to walk in the Holy Spirit.” (page 51)This is real life, hashing things out with my Lord as I go. Maybe you are hashing it out in the trenches along side me? This battlefield called motherhood is so worth it if we gain our strength from the Lord. He never said it would be easy, but He said He would be right here with us.
8 Responses to “I’m Not Loving My Kids Like I Should”
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About Jennifer
Hello there! I’m Jennifer and Welcome to my website – A Home with Purpose. My passion is sharing Christ’s Love and recipes with my Trim Healthy Mama friends. Learn more about me.
Definitely with you, hashing it out in the trenches. So much of what you posted is where I feel God leading me. Keep on keeping on, sister!
🙂 Right there with you! <3
So beautifully worded and a wonderful reminder that I need to be interested in what my kids are interested in. Time with my kids is precious, they will be grown before I know it. Thank you for the reminder to be present.
Be present. Good thoughts!
Good word! Thank you ☺
I loved this. WOW! Powerful. Thank you for sharing your heart and I believe all mommies need to read this.
Great post. Going to go share with my mom friends right now on facebook.
I love that book Desperate! I’m going to pull it out again. Thanks for the reminder